If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
