I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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