I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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