I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
COCAINE IS GR8
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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