I am spending my child support on dildos
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
