I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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