All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
