Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
