i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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