If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
