Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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