he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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