like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
