There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
