grandma shit on top of the toilet
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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