you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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