you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
