I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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