Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
