Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
