I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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