he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
