and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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