I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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