Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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