We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
