I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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