yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
