State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
