i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are we still banned from the library?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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