oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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