the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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