New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
