I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
