look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
