when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
