i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
