I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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