Umm I'm too high to move.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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