i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
