boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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