you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
