Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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