Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Someone came in the potted fern
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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