I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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