Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Randomize
