The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
