No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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