omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize