I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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