well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize