Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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