Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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