All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
