i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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