Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize