You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
