Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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