Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
