i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
false alarm. still invincible.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
