Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
