I look better un-naked...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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