You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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