it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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