I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
