It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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