I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
