go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
