You really coming over, don't trick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
