I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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